Ok, so I don't know how the subject of more babies even comes up when you're first one is only nearing 5 months, but somehow it does, and often! I've dreamed of one day being a mommy for as long as I can remember, and I always knew that I wanted at least three little jewels. But since having my son I question the thought of another baby so often. While I was pregnant I loved this baby I was having so much and knew my life would be changed, but I never knew THIS level of love even existed. Sometimes it truthfully almost hurts when I think about how much I love this kid. It's not at all that I have more love for him than I do my husband, and especially God, but it's just such a different type of love.. from a place somewhere inside I never knew existed.
My thing with more babies is that I feel so fulfilled with my love for Isaac. He's my world. He's my only child.. and so I really just can't figure out what it would be like to be a mom of two or more. And I'm wondering what's wrong with me because I've only ever heard of moms wanting MORE babies because of the joy the first brings. But I have this constant thought of not ever wanting to take anything away from him, I don't want this amazing little boy of mine to ever be pushed to the side to make way for another. Yes, I have this wicked little thought that creeps into my mind and makes me wonder how my heart can possibly be stretched enough to love even more?
At the same time I would love for Isaac to have a sibling, a brother or sister that he could love on and teach new things to. Someone of his blood who will still be here when Matt and I leave this world behind. (Although I'm still believing we will all just be raptured together, ha)
I grew up as one of five siblings and while it was a little annoying at times, I completely love having a big family. Matt absolutely wants another, and deep inside I know that it will happen. I love the thought of adding to our family, but there's plenty of questions I have for mamas of two or more.
We have a good long while before a second becomes a reality, so Ill just keep loving this boy of mine with everything I have.
Doesn't his cuteness just make you want to scream? Or laugh? Or have more babies?? I can hardly stand it.
Carrie,
ReplyDeleteYour baby boy is so precious and I can totally relate to the way you feel. I was a young Mom like you when I had Noah and the way I felt for him was overwhelming, I am talking earth shattering change which I am sure you know all about. I can remember thinking and feeling exactly like what you are saying. Having been there and done that here is my personal advice to you my love. Do not rush into it...I can not tell you how wonderful it has been to watch my sweet boy grow and change and for nearly 6 years be able to focus and love him as my only child, I believe it is because of that love and attention that we gave him that has made him such a wonderful child and more importantly an amazing big brother. Now I am not saying you should wait 6 years! I am just saying that your baby boy truly deserves all of your love and attention for now, you will know when the time is right. I can tell you that now that I am a little older and a Mother of two I think I can handle a third a little closer, we are thinking we want another one by the time my JJ is 4. To me even at 26 months old Jarah is still such a baby and I love my special time with her when big brother is at school. Okay done with the book LOL, I got on here to post my own blog and ended up reading yours and felt compelled to write :) love you.
So happy you left a comment. That's good to know :)
ReplyDeleteAnd that's defiantly what I feel like would be the right thing for us. I doubt we will wait six years, but I defiantly want it to just be about Isaac for a good long while.
Noah really does seem like such an awesome big brother, and I'm sure it is because you put so much focus and love into him alone first!
And I'm so happy to know y'all are planning a third! Your babies are too sweet. :) Love you!!